People mean well — usually. Unfortunately, for some people pregnancy comes with an imaginary permission slip to say whatever comes to mind, no matter how personal and/or embarrassing the question or comment may be. For all you non-pregnant people out there, let this be a guide to what is off limits — even to a pregnant woman! For you long-suffering pregnant women: come up with some of your own responses so you’ll be prepared for these inevitable zingers.
1. “Was it planned?” This question is first cousin to the pre-pregnancy question of “when are you two going to start having kids?” which is often overheard at family reunions, dinner with the in-laws and baby showers. While it may be a perfectly legitimate question, insinuating that your future baby may have been a mistake is downright rude and nosy! It’s nobody’s business when you’re going to have children, if you were in fact actively trying, or if the condom broke one night. Some people like to share that their baby was indeed a “whoops!” but most parents don’t want their child to find out down the line that he or she wasn’t every bit the gift they had been waiting for.
2. “Whoa! What’s the scale up to now?” Related questions to this perennial favorite include “you look like you’re about to explode/pop/blow!” accompanied by a look of shock, bewilderment and regret. Don’t ever, ever allude to the fact that you even notice that this woman has gained a pound, let alone 50. In fact, a better choice would be to comment on her glowing skin, flowing hair and beautiful belly.
3.”How are you feeling?” This question, while typically sincere and coming from a genuine place of concern, can wear on even the most positive and upbeat pregnant women, particularly if it’s the tenth time that day. She knows she should say, “I’m feeling great, never better,” but you know she really wants to say, “my feet hurt, my hemorrhoids itch, my maternity clothes don’t even fit anymore, and I think I just peed my pants a little bit. How are you feeling?” Again, the key to interacting with most pregnant women is emphasizing that she’s still normal, even though she weighs more than she even thought possible, is eternally uncomfortable and is hormonal to boot. Don’t dwell on her “condition,” instead, give her the opportunity to open up to you if she needs to.
4. “You must be having a boy/girl because your butt/nose/feet are so HUGE!” Literally dozens of old wives’ tales exist that are touted to predict the gender of a baby based on how wide a pregnant woman’s nose or butt have gotten, if she’s carrying the baby high or low or if her belly looks like a basketball or a watermelon. Please resist the urge to predict a baby’s gender using medically and scientifically unsubstantiated old wives’ tales, unless it’s something like, “you’re having a boy because of how drop dead gorgeous you look!” She may not believe it, but she’ll appreciate the effort.
5. “You haven’t had that baby YET?!” A pregnant mom lives with her pregnancy EVERY day. She doesn’t need to be reminded that she’s 5000 days past her due date, and that she looks like she’s going to pop. She knows this. Her back hurts, her bladder is leaking, she’s constipated and her feet have gone up two shoe sizes. Instead, offer her a seat and a cookie — and a foot rub would be nice too
8 Things you didnt know about your vagina
1. It cleans itself.Step away from the soap and harsh cleansers, gals. Your vagina keeps itself clean. “It’s lined by a variety of glands that produce the fluids needed to both lubricate and cleanse the vaginal area,” says Lisa Stern, APRN, a nurse practitioner who works with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles. “The vast majority of vaginal infections I see in my office are self-induced—generally by women who think they’re doing a good thing by washing their vagina with soap and water, or worse, with douche.” Bath products, particularly those with chemical dyes or fragrances, can irritate the vagina and wash away the beneficial lubricants and flora (bacteria and yeast) that are normal and natural, she says. When these beneficial compounds get washed away, anaerobic bacteria and yeast proliferate and can cause symptoms like discharge, odor and itching. Lesson learned: While a little mild soap on the labia area is OK, your body does a fine job of keeping the insides clean.
2. It grows in size when aroused.
“The average length of a vagina is 3 to 4 inches long,” says Lissa Rankin, MD, gynecologist and author of What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend. Sounds sort of small, and possibly unaccommodating to your well-endowed husband or partner, right? Fear not, nature makes room. “It can double in length when aroused,” Dr. Rankin explains. But she adds that many women still have pain during sex when their partner is on the larger side. She recommends using plenty of lubricant and going slow. “Encourage your partner to have fun with foreplay,” she says. “The more aroused you feel, the less intercourse will hurt.”
3. Just like your face, your vagina also wrinkles with age.
It’s a fact of life: The appearance of your lady parts may change with age. “The labia may become less plump as estrogen levels wane, fatty pads in the labia shrink and less collagen can lead to more sagging,” says Dr. Rankin. “The skin of the vulva may darken or lighten and the clitoris may shrink. It’s normal either way.” Scary? Nah. “These changes, which are often related to decreasing levels of estrogen, do not affect how much pleasure your girl parts can bring you.”
4. You can’t lose something in your vagina (like a tampon).
Everyone’s heard the myth that things can get “lost” in there. “The vagina is bounded at the inner end by the cervix and by the vagina’s own tissue,” says Stern. In other words, your vagina is not connected to another area of your body so don’t worry about anything going missing! However, “Sometimes a tampon can get lodged deep inside the vagina, like if it’s accidentally left in place during intercourse. If this happens, your healthcare provider should be able to remove it easily with a speculum and forceps,” she says.
5. Some women ejaculate with orgasm.
“It definitely happens, and it’s not uncommon,” says Dr. Rankin. “It seems to be a learned skill and happens more commonly as women get older and learn how their bodies work.” So how does it happen? “There are glands around the urethra—the tube between the bladder and the outside world—that probably secrete fluid, particularly when the anterior wall of the vagina (a.k.a. the G Spot) is stimulated." Beverly Whipple, PhD, RN, a sexuality researcher and professor at Rutgers College of Nursing, describes this area as “ ‘the female prostate,’ a collection of glands, blood vessels, nerves and spongy tissue that, when stimulated, seem to create fluid in some women.”
6. Your vagina may change dramatically after childbirth.
“Post-childbirth the vagina doesn’t so much look different as it feels different,” says Dr. Rankin. “As a gynecologist, I can almost always tell if a woman has delivered vaginally or not. I need a larger speculum for a woman who has had two kids than for a childless woman. But from the outside, you can’t tell unless a woman has torn during childbirth, in which case she may have a faint scar at the site of her tear or episiotomy.” If you’re uncomfortable with the way your vagina has stretched and changed after childbirth, Rankin has a one-word recommendation: Kegels! “These exercises can really help,” she says. A refresher course: You can do them anywhere, anytime. Just squeeze the muscles you use to start and stop the flow of urine, holding for a few seconds at a time, and repeating in sets of 10—or more, if you’re up to the task!
7. The vagina is like a bicep, use it or lose it.
“It’s true that the vagina stays healthier when you’re using it with some regularity,” says Dr. Rankin. “Not only does sex keep the sensitive vaginal tissue healthy, but it’s almost as if your yoni has a memory. If you keep reminding your vagina that it has a purpose beyond reproduction, it's likely to rise to the occasion." Case in point: If you neglect your vagina for too long (no sex, no Kegel exercises, etc.), the vaginal walls can become fragile, she says. And when menopause strikes, it may scar and close off a bit. But sex isn’t the only answer: Your doctor can suggest specific exercises and instruments that can help the vagina stay in tip-top shape.
8. Vaginal discharge varies from woman to woman.
Dr. Rankin notes that the average amount of vaginal discharge a woman of reproductive age secretes over a period of eight hours weighs 1.55 grams (a gram is equivalent to about 1/4 teaspoon). But, some women produce much less and others produce much more—and the variations are completely normal! “You produce the greatest amount of discharge (1.96 grams) around the time of ovulation,” she says. “Of course, every woman is different. Some women have ectropion, when the mucous-producing glands that are usually on the inside of the cervix evert onto the outside of the cervix. If your cervix has this normal feature, you may produce more cervical mucous, which increases the amount of vaginal discharge you have. Some women produce very scant amounts of discharge and others make much more. In the absence of infection, it’s normal either way.” And the color? It varies, too—and just because there’s a pigment to it, doesn’t mean you have an infection. “Normal vaginal discharge is whitish, but may appear yellowish when it dries,” she says. “But if your vaginal discharge appears greenish when wet, you have itching or burning, your discharge smells extra-fishy or you think you’re at risk for STDs, get it checked just to be on the safe side.”
